Parul's Journal

The Joy of Staying in the 'City of Joy':The invisibles of my everyday. . Between Development theory and feminism, Babu ghat and Howrah Station, The E.M. By-Pass, Patuli and Spencer’s outlets, Fight with rickshaw drivers and walks along the ‘ pukurs ’, Piercing sound of the dhak from somewhere not too far, Oly Pub’s yummy beef to Flury ’s chocolate brownie, Watching idols on the roadside to yellow cabs zipping past SRFTI, Amruta Patil ’s bored urban life graphic pages on my wall, Zeeshan ’s biryani to roadside phucha to egg-chicken rolls, Rinsing my mouth with the tap’s salty water every morning, The posh South city Mall to fish selling shacks in front of Ambuja , Kumartuli in the rains, A curious two year old neighbor walking inside my house, Lectures by a historian on photography, Enjoying the Clown Prince at G.D Birla Sadan , A post-midnight drive to Khiddipore for some more booze, Posters on my bathroom walls to sleeping in a moshari , A sip of lebucha between the...

NB : are u trying to test the balance of reality..? TB : maybe..all that is there..the patterns in time..the twisted perceptions..when the darkness blinks, the silent dance of the shadows..and the distance between our souls. . all of them.

" Broken Wings " I desire to hope for nothing. I desire to believe in nothing. I desire the fear of nothing. "I desire to be free..."

...the unsettlement of the mind, i dare, to survive. Of the heart, i dare, to dream...

“IF ONLY” If only, this night was day. If only, these roads were unending. If only, these shadows were silent. If only, this wind could not touch me. If only, this noise was not gothic. If only, these jitters were not shaky. If only, the balance of reality could be tested. If only, this perception was not twisted. If only, the time showed no patterns. If only, this darkness could blink. If only, this landscape was chaotic. If only, I was inherently not a fool. If only, I was not too foolish for a tear and too wicked for a smile. If only, there was dance in death and stillness in life. If only, expectations could be turned into happiness. If only, promises were made and fulfilled. If only, this journey was as interesting as the destination. If only, my cry was not mute. If only, i could choose..and win over my own heart. Only then, maybe, I could have your body or mind. And then this life would be less ‘unsettled’ perhaps.

YET ANOTHER UNFULFILLED DESIRE beautiful but caged had some, of the desired just a glimpse was left asking for more want to understand the attitude and ideas but actually we have too much in between to overcome in this life unless someone is on the knees and i say i do none of this is possible fantasies just one of the many I shall never have.

I think I have lost count of the number of planes that have crossed my head (Oh I wonder! was I even counting). They seem to appear just out of nowhere, with lights on and tyres out- ready to touch down, while others just zoom past, much higher. The breeze is getting unfriendly and making me freeze, the people around me start walking away from here to warmer places on the campus. Sitting on the top I can see the fog filled trees, the OAT, the tank, the far away buildings and of course the library. Our spot where all of come to sit at night and the field. People look so small from here, playing soccer on the dry field. The Qutub minar and the Bahai temple, where we plan to go during one day on the campus are both, out of sight today. The lights are out as the world begins to dim, much like my future. Sudden surprise, there is this wind. Far away I can hear some chants or maybe some people are singing. Now when I look up I can’t see the far away buildings. Thick fog and darkness. It’s th...