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I have always tried to remember what my thoughts were – yesterday or the day before. My memory of something – that I had imagined or of my dreams- have always been like- I have been watching from the other side. Fleeting images – like charcoal sketches pass my eyes. A muddled Park Street with yellow taxis, rain drenched CP, the long walk with Asha in JNU to Poorvanchal, standing outside Koshy’s in the rain, walking along the pukur behind the Centre after classes, lighting a fag outside Tamarind at Garia Haat (with Anjan Da beside me), watching N as she walked past the basketball court in Jaya Nagar, driving back to Thiruvalla, a windy late night at Meer Ghat (in B/W grainy particles), when Sara (Kate Beckinsale) attempts to light a crumbled cigarette as she hides from the rain(in Serendipity). . Faces- the ones looking at me, the ones that I look at from the corner of my eye. These figures- they move, they stand still, they fall on the ground and vanish in a water-splash—they are nev…
Recent posts
"And you spoke so I could understand
And I drew a treasure map on your hand.
And you were no picnic.
And you were no prize.
But you had just enough pathos,
To keep me hypnotized"
REMEMBRANCE
The Nigah Queer Festival 2009 at New Delhi
The Color Series- PINK (Sexuality)
In the Sundar bans, when the cyclone came un-announced-- nothing much was left in the fields and nothing was left of their home in North 24 Parganas. Trying to survive by catching fish and crabs, many families have lost their shelters and are falling prey to diseases due to saline water.
Drifting Life

Almost suddenly, it slowly gathers speed.
It aligns itself, the heaviness in the head.
Have you ever let the string of a balloon go?
When it leaps out of your palm when you hold it too tight
Or when it slips from your fingers when you thought it was all right.

When everything you see
Becomes blurred by the haze
Just above the clouds
A paper trips through my fingers
Unfolding it
I learn about a legend
---The best being brought by great pain.
Inside me, I can vaguely feel the cardio-muscles thump.

I have the right to be an escapist
I feel a burning ‘need’-
To jump off
To have no sense of responsibility for this or that
To be starved of consciousness for most of my life.
I suffer a fiery ‘desire’
For the fragrance that burns in the air,
A bit of beauty that I want to spot everywhere.
A touch that I want to remember, a smell that’s fresh in me.

Visions of her drawing near
Begin, abide, and disappear
you try to slow it down
It doesn't work.

So how was it, when it leapt out of your palm because y…